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Each of us is on a journey to explore and discover who and what we are. For some of us, part of that journey includes divorce. Although painful, it can be a powerful impetus for us to go deep within and uncover thoughts, beliefs and conditioning that come from "tribal" expectations and experiences that are not useful or appropriate. Among these are the expectations concerning the role of women in marriage and in society, including the disempowerment and subservience of women.
There is a growing movement of women awakening to their "divine feminine" power and in the process transforming and healing their lives.
Divorce is a very common occurrence in the United States and around the world. The United States has the highest divorce rate in the world with fifty percent of marriages ending in divorce. Second and third marriages in the United States have even higher divorce rates. According to statistics, in the U.S., second marriages fail at a rate of 60-67 percent, and third marriages fail at a rate of 73-74 percent.
Divorced couples report the number one reason that marriage fails is due to either a lack of communication or poor communication. The second most cited reason for divorce is martial conflicts and arguments. The third most cited reason is infidelity.
Divorce is painful and a great loss and requires the work of grieving, which can take a considerable amount of time.
You need to:
--Accept that the relationship is over
--Re-discover yourself
--Get support and counseling
As you re-discover yourself, you may want to look at important underlying factors that may have led to unrealistic expectations about marriage. Historically, throughout most cultures, women have been conditioned to give their power away to men, to serve men and put men's (and children's) needs above their own.
Making friends with other women, especially women who have experienced divorce, can be tremendously supportive.
Some Facts about Women & Divorce:
1. Women initiate divorce twice as often as men
2. 90% of divorced mothers have custody of their children
3. 60% of people under poverty guidelines are divorced women and children
4. In general women experience less stress and better adjustment after divorce than do men. Some reasons for this include: (1) women are more likely to notice marital problems and to feel relief when such problems end; (2) women are more likely than men to rely on social support systems; and (3) women are more likely to experience an increase in self-esteem when they divorce and add new roles to their lives.
5. Women who work and place their children in child care experience a greater stigma than men in the same position.
Divorce & Age
According to statistics, those who get married in their mid to late-twenties are less likely to get divorced that those who marry at a younger age. This age group also tends to be more satisfied in marriage than those couples who marry later in life. For divorced couples under the age of 20, the women are more likely to initiate the divorce; whereas for divorced couples over the age of 20, the men are more likely to initiate the divorce.
Characteristics of individuals that have a higher probability of divorce include:
• younger age at time of marriage
• lower education
• has children from a previous relationship
• cohabitation prior to marriage
• sexual activity prior to marriage
According to divorce statistics, more than one factor usually contributes to a couple's decision to divorce. Although three primary reasons have been identified by divorced couples as the leading causes of divorce, it seems that other underlying factors may contribute to these issues as well.
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